What am I doing? What always puts me in this disabling place of mind? I wish I could stop asking questions and start on the solutions. I know wishing won't get me shit, but I feel as if that's all that I can do. Instead of help myself, I can only wallow in my misery and my dismal past. i want everything to be okay, I want everyone I love to be happy, I want to be of help and not hinder.

As I try every day to quit this vicious cycle, I feel as though I push away the ones I try so hard not to lose. I remember losing people all the time, and it catching up to me. It's okay for a while, then it all comes at once, like the waves at the beach that always catch you off guard.

I can never stop trying. If I ever stop trying, I feel like all will go to shit.