What am I doing? What always puts me in this disabling place of mind? I wish I could stop asking questions and start on the solutions. I know wishing won't get me shit, but I feel as if that's all that I can do. Instead of help myself, I can only wallow in my misery and my dismal past. i want everything to be okay, I want everyone I love to be happy, I want to be of help and not hinder.

As I try every day to quit this vicious cycle, I feel as though I push away the ones I try so hard not to lose. I remember losing people all the time, and it catching up to me. It's okay for a while, then it all comes at once, like the waves at the beach that always catch you off guard.

I can never stop trying. If I ever stop trying, I feel like all will go to shit.

What is wrong with the society and the media today that makes young, beautiful girls truly put themselves in such a harsh, negative light. An 11 year old girl, the pride of her mother, glowing little girl, stood up in front of an audience and pointed to all the things she could do to her face via plastic surgery. Including botox, nose jobs, and liposuction. These healthy, beautiful girls are hurting themselves everyday for the sake of fake beauty. Some of the most beautiful things in this world are not a face or an object. They could be a moment, or a few words. It just makes me so sad to see these beautiful girls hate the way they look because of what they see in magazines or shows. Every day, in the ladies' room, theres always someone pointing to what they don't like about themselves, and the lack of self worth saddens me.

As i write, this sweet faced 10 year old girl starts to point out on a picture of herself of what she hates. Yes, she uses the word hate to describe her face. She goes on to tell the audience that she comes home every day and cries. Her mother tells her she is beautiful and wants her to have the confidence she deserves. I see these beautiful, bright, sweet, glowing young girls explain to groups of people how much they hate themselves. Women are more than body parts, more than an object to fix. There is one message from the media to these girls, that we are only beautiful if look a certain way, that we are only beautiful if we are a certain skin color.

One 9 year old blonde girl tells her mother that she sees a monster in the mirror. She points at herself. She wonders why she doesn't look like the girl on tv. They hate their eyes, their skin, their lips, and have no self esteem at all. The cute 9 year old skips dinner sometimes because she believes her cheeks are too round. She talks about how she embarrasses herself. She won't go outside and it is a fight to make her eat. A lot of the time, adults have insecurities, but these are young girls, 9,10,and 11. Self esteem in young girls is very important, and we are ALL beautiful.

Belief

Why is it that we feel the need to trust one another so wholeheartedly? Even the fact that this is put in form of question proves a point of distrust. now is it distrust of one's self or of other people? there must be a bit of both. One feeds on the other. No one completely trusts another person, nor do they themselves. It's almost as though people ask this question " Do you trust me?" as an initiation, as though the trust given could pass some sort of test. Truth is, we never pass our own tests.

Another is where you believe in some one person so much, you forget what you are. That one person/being can let your faith down so fast, you can't see straight. That one person will get scared and forget all about their false promises.